20 February 2011
Perhaps my curse is that I was born.
My mother was a vampire and my father a werewolf, nothing more but nothing less. I have lived over a thousand years and have experienced every aspect of humanity and wilderness there could ever exist. Pain is my every day companion and I have grown used to it. I torture myself regularly and I have committed suicide more often than I can remember, in many different ways. I found jumping off a building the most deliberating one.
My name is Simone and this is my story.
One thousand years have passed but I only remember the last 500 years. I met someone, someone that did not spit on me for who I was and did not invent ways to kill me. Someone who loved me for who I was and made me laugh every morning and smile every evening. He was human and I was happy.
As all good aspects in life, this one too had to be destroyed. One day he was taken from me. We were together laughing and joking. Then he died just like that, right before my eyes, killed and burned, gone. I could not rescue him. They killed me as well but what does killing mean to an immortal? I truly mean the word and every sense of it. I cannot die. So help me God I cannot die in any way: head cut off, burned, injected with silver, shot, stabbed in the heart, you name it. Once I was locked up for 50 years. I believe that is the only way to stop me. Stop me from what? I don't know but people tend to believe bad things about me. I guess a vampire with lycanthrope tendencies does not look very friendly.
For hundreds of years I longed for the love I had lost and searched for similarities in others but never found them as precise as I desired. Until 150 years ago.
I was chasing a wolf pack for my own amusement or desperation. I liked being surrounded by wolves as they made me feel accepted and part of a family. But it was always temporary until they sensed my true nature and ran away.
Running through the forest I reached a house. It was tall, white and impressive. It took me a moment to see it all. And as simple as some things in life can be, I saw him. He sat on the porch. He just sat there. Years of searching, dreaming, praying and giving up and now there he was. Imagine my reaction. I did not approach him. I just kept watching from behind a tree, studying his features. He looked wonderful: black smooth hair falling over an angel face with dark eyes and perfect skin. I tried to find the differences between him and the one I lost. I couldn't. He looked exactly the same, as if he had stayed alive all those years. It could have made sense if my love had not been human. I did not approach him. I decided to watch him that whole day instead. It all seemed normal for as normal as life was in those days. He lived in a small town with few people, all knowing each other of course. From the looks of it, he was fortunate with a house, a family, he had a brother and a father with whom he dined. In addition, he had love. Naturally, there had to be love in his life, a woman who would touch his face, kiss those lips and be held in his arms. He was living a life my lost love did not have. He was happy and his future lay ahead. I wanted to see him that night. I wanted to tell him I loved him. I wanted to look in his eyes and maybe see something. The resemblance was so great, maybe he was brought back to me. I climbed to his window and waited for the perfect moment. He stood in his room, a beautifully decorated chamber with gold and white colors and flowers on the ceiling. It was now or never.
Then it happened. I sensed it. It was horrible. I saw him. I saw him drink blood. I took a step back then I ran back in the forest.
My heart had been blinding my eyes all day and I did not even stop and looked at the way he truly was: a vampire. Those perfect features, the way he moved. I did not stop and think of how inhuman he was because the memories made him look so divine to me. It took me less than a second to realize that the woman he loved was the one that turned him and his brother was a vampire too. Their father was not a vampire and I wondered if he knew. What a twisted happening it was but that was not all. When I thought he was human I was planning to speak to him. That was made impossible now.
Beside my pitiful life, I had another curse. I have been cursed so many times over the years but this one particular curse decided to stay with me. Although I am half vampire whenever I meet one...I must kill him. I have always tried to avoid them in my journeys and the ones I could not avoid have died. I never met a vampire I did not kill. Perhaps that the curse brought out my true nature. I hated vampires. My parents were killed by vampires and by vampires only. My father was not good enough for their royal blood. Love affairs between vampires and werewolves, the rich and the poor, always end up in a tragedy.
I kept my distance from the man, the vampire I so desperately loved. I kept my distance from the ones around him as well. I started following him everywhere instead, like a puppy eager to be pet. That gave me the opportunity to watch his life and the ones around him. The woman he loved did not seem to be able to choose between him and his brother. She treated him worse than his brother. He was a slave for her. His love was being wasted. His brother seemed so much different than him. Their personalities were contradictory. Only tragedy followed from that moment on. I always blamed myself for it even though I was merely a spectator. It ended up with him leaving his home wondering alone in the world. I wanted to follow him, talk to him but I couldn't. I knew I would probably kill him and I did not want to cope with another loss yet again. But I hoped that someday I would be able to approach him, force myself to deal with this vampire hatred, look in his eyes and hopefully.... at that moment I made a decision I did not think I was capable of. As wise men always say if you love someone you have to let them go. So I did. But not in my heart.It was few weeks ago when I saw him again. He came back in the old town. When I heard about it I could not stop myself from coming as well. That is when I decided I had to face him once and for all.
19 February 2011
Chapter 1. A pleasure to meet you
'Are you sure you want to do this?'
He looked at me with those eyes I knew did not approve. Rodney was not only my best friend but also one of the best weaponry men in the hidden history. He created many devices for me and over the years, they improved tremendously. One of the main devices was 'the necklace'. It was a special collar with iron spikes on the inside. I often wore it to prevent myself from the full moon rages and any sudden outbreaks. During the transformations, my neck was the first to expand so that's the first thing I wanted to stop. As spikes entered my neck, I would lose much blood and the pain would calm and weaken me down. This time I was planning to face a vampire and I needed much more than a necklace.
'Yes, neck, thighs and waist.'
We were standing in one of Rodney's hidden workplaces. I stared in the mirror as he sat on a stool holding the necklace in his hand. He looked at me frowning. He wore short dark blond hair and a beard that made him look older. Rodney was 256 years old. He was neither a vampire nor a werewolf. He stood up from his stool and applied the necklace.
'What will you do?' I felt the cold iron touch my neck.
'I have to look in his eyes, long enough to see something or make him see something.'
'That's your plan?'
'It's not a plan at all.'
'I am aware of that. What else do you want me to do?'
'I don't want you to do anything but I think you know my opinion about this.'
Rodney had been trying for years to make me forget about m obsession and enjoy my life 'the way I was supposed to'.
'Yes, I do. I truly do, but I don't know what else to do. I must see him.'
'You do what you must. Just be careful and don't let yourself bleed to death.'
'You know that can't happen.' I smiled and saw the bitterness in the mirror.
'You know what I mean.'
'It won't go like last time.'
18 February 2011
Had I mentioned that I had tried several times to get in touch with my obsession? They called him Damon but I did not care much for that name. My last try and my actual first time he saw me took place at a local pub in this little town a week ago. In this little lovely town Gabriel, my love, was killed and I came here to commemorate 500 years since his horrific death. I returned to his grave every 10 years. His grave was no more than a stone I myself had set on the place where they burned him while he was still breathing.
Little did I know that Damon was also in town. When I spotted him walking on the street my only normal reaction (after the shock I had when I saw him) was to follow him. I did not even inform Rodney...to my own stupidity.
I had been sitting on a torn up leather couch for hours just watching him from a safe distance. He was sitting at the bar wearing a black leather jacket and a pair of dark jeans. There were empty glasses around him and he was holding another empty one in his hand while whispering to one of the girls he was with. The pub was more space than actual furniture. There was the bar against the wall and the rest of the place was filled with a pool table, three seats and a disguising stanch. The only positive thing about it was that it was poorly lit and so I was able to hide my face in shadows.
I became irritated but did not understand why. I did not care if he had company or not. The irritation changed instantly into furious. I panicked. What was going on? I felt pain in my neck and warmth falling down my chest as the blood under my long black vest was spreading out. Why did I need to change now? What was making it possible? That's when I became aware of the surroundings. Not six meters away from me, a group of teenagers were playing pool. And they were making me mad. It was only then I realized that one of them must have been a vampire. I had entered the pub without looking around and my obsession for the man made me ignore everything else. I quickly walked to the exit. I reached the doors and stared through the glass at the outside horror. Once again, my obsession got in the way and forgot to make me take notice of the red moon outside...red like the vampire blood I needed to spill. I did my best not to fall on my knees and felt the blood socking my jeans. I was enraged. I needed to change and kill. My body was fighting to burst out but the chain around my neck kept it in place. It only meant that in a few moments I would be sitting in a pool of my own blood. Everything started spinning and so I sat down in a corner next to the exit doors. The cold wall tried to soothe my agitation but it was useless. I wanted to kill, I needed it. I hated them all so much there could be no words to describe it.
The tension only got worse. It was approaching. I wanted to reach the chain and unlock it. Drops of sweat fell down my forehead and I did my best not to growl.
'Are you ok?'
I barely nodded but what I really wanted to do was to break his face and pull his heart out. He did not persist as if something made him back up. Did he feel the tension too? If he had said another word I would have jumped at him and grabbed his neck. I looked at him the moment he departed. His face looked familiar even in this dim light. The brother, I realized. Damon's brother was here as well.
I saw the blood under my boots. But that was not the worse part. I saw Damon's face turn around towards me. He was a good distance from me and with the darkness he could have not possibly seen what was happening but that's when I knew I had gotten more attention than I needed. I stood up before he got off his stool. My boots were sliding on the blood I left behind but there was no time for that. I exited the pub trying not to stare at the moon. Headache and dizziness took over but my legs started running.
I ran until I reached the cottage in the woods, a pathetic small house in the middle of wilderness I sometimes called home. Inside there was a bed and old furniture but they contained everything I needed. I sat down against the bed and waited for the wounds to heal.
17 February 2011
Now I stood in the middle of some festival crowd watching a parade. I knew he would be here somewhere but I did not want to be in one room alone with him. It was daylight: a better environment to face a vampire than under the rage of the full moon. I watched the people on the parade stands move on and wave at everyone watching and cheering them. As the parade moved on a strange feeling took over me. I watched one of the boys on the stand that came next and realized what he was, not a vampire but familiar enough. I believe he felt something too and tried to find the source of his strange feeling in the crowd. He was short on time as the parade moved on.
Everything stopped; nothing else mattered when I spotted him on the other side of the parade. He was waving at someone on the stand and his eyes seemed fixed on her. I felt the presence of another vampire on the stand, his brother of course. The wind caught his scent and blew it my way. I clenched my teeth trying hard not to ruining things. The parade moved on and I looked on the other side. His eyes were on me. Damon's eyes were on me! My heart beat fast and my knees trembled. All I could do is stand there and look back. I did not want to take my eyes off him. Eventually I did for less than a second. He was gone.
This was the closest I'd ever gotten. Well, never mind the quiet nights I watched him sleep and touched his face. This time he was aware of me.
I walked away quickly aware of the danger. This time I had gone too far. I walked through the people trying to swim my way out. One person did not move aside. He now stood before me. His eyes watched me and I froze. From all the times I watched him, studied him, nothing, absolutely nothing compared to this moment. His grey blue eyes looked in mine and his beauty stunned me more than I thought I could bear. The resemblance was stunning, incredible, fiction like. I wanted to touch his face, his hair. Tears filled my eyes. He just looked at me interested or confused I do not know. He took a step closer. I could not believe how stupid and unaware he was. I could see every detail of his face, every smooth piece of his skin, every sensual detail, his eyes. I took a step back. My hands formed fists as blood started pouring down my back and chest. He did not feel it, he did not smell it.
'What are you?' He finally said and his voice was just as sweet. I wanted to close my eyes and let him sing to me but I also wanted to rip his vocal chords through his mouth and break him in half. I wanted to say something, but say what? The urge of killing him started overcoming my love for him.
'Stand back.' I whispered, if a human he would not have heard me. His reaction was just as expected. He just kept looking at me and an uncomfortable smirk took hold of his face.
'What are you?' He said more coldly not taking one step back. I expected this reaction too. From what I've seen by following him in the early years was that he seemed arrogant, self centered, a seducer, aggressive, cruel and very, very proud. He was breathtaking and perfect for me.
'I...' He was distracted by his vamp brother and I was gone in a flash.
16 February 2011
I had a long afternoon. I hated the feeling he gave me. I could not help stop by his house,. His room, spend hours over there and finally end up on the roof of the mansion. His crow and I had become good friends. Wolves have always had a good bond with the crows of death. 'They used to be white'. That's what my uncle always told me.
I sat on the roof and wondered why I was spending my hours doing this, thinking of him. The memory of his eyes made me almost sick with nervousness. But I loved those eyes so much that it hurt. Hurt, pain, was all I had left in the world since Gabriel left me. A already had a horrible life back then but Gabriel took that away. Once he was gone my horrible life, as I had known it: the thinking, depression, miserable unending moments, they all came back. Now that I saw his face again all I wanted was to be around him, in any way possible. I did not care if he had someone or loved someone else. I didn't care what he did and how others seemed to not be fond of his presence, hated him. Hate? How many times didn't others hate me? One thousand years is a long way. I have had many enemies and few true friends. But now even the enemies seemed to let me be. Maybe they knew that the only thing that could destroy me was I. I just wanted to be close without him knowing it. I knew it couldn't work anyway but please let me at least be around him.
But even this was apparently too much to ask. I was enraged when, for some pathetic reason, his brother decided to lock him up in some sort of cage and leave him there, ache for hunger. Of course, he must have had his reason but I had mine as well. I waited and waited trying to figure out what would happen next. After three days, my patience was out. That night I decided to save the only thing worth living for.
I don't even know how it happened. It seemed as if no one was paying attention when I sneaked in and I stood before his prison door. He looked horrible. I grabbed the iron doors and ripped them out of the wall. I took his arm over my shoulder and got out fast.
I took him to a hotel and gently put him on the bed. He was turning into the corpse he was supposed to be. But I would not allow it.
I was back in 30 minutes and found him in the same state I had left him. I opened one of the bottles I had brought and wet his lips with its content. He grabbed it like mad and did not stop drinking until he finished it. I reached for the second bottle. That's when he snapped at me, his eyes black, his fangs out. He looked at me but did not proceed. Watch it, I tried to say. Don't make me kill you first. As soon as my waist and neck started aching I slowly put the bottles on the bed, his eyes watching me as if I were his prey. I distanced myself from him and sat against a wall giving him and myself some space we so both needed.
He did not touch the bottle at first, his face still inhuman. I wondered what my face looked like. He eventually touched the bottle, got off the bed and sat in the opposite corner of the room and started drinking like a...bloodsucker.
'This blood is warm. Human blood.' He suddenly reacted.
God knew where it came from. I bought it from a dealer. I told him not to tell me where and how he got it. I knew but I didn't want to hear it.
'Just drink.' And he did. Bottle after bottle. I just watched him, exhausted from the urge to kill him. Even in his state I still admired his looks. His dark hair and his beautiful eyes, even now when he looked like a zombie were breathtaking. His lips filled with blood were still very kissable. It's not like I hadn't been in his state before.
After he finished drinking he stayed there. I noticed color in his marble cheeks and chest. I knew he could leave or attack or talk but he didn't. He remained there and so did I. I tried to sit there for as long as I could. What I wanted the most was to run away and stop the thoughts of ripping his guts out. But I forced myself to stay and enjoy every moment in his presence.
'You're not a vampire, the vervaine would have weakened you immediately.' He looked at me but I didn't want to meet his gaze. 'You're not human either. So what are you?' He still looked at me.
'Well if you're going to be such a prick about it.' He flew over the room and grabbed my neck. He was so fast but I could have still stopped him. When he did, he caught held of my iron neckpiece. He looked at his hand and the iron he could not crush. He must have felt the blood run over his hand.
'What is this?' His face was very disturbed.
'It's keeping me from killing you.'
He smiled. 'Then why save me?'
'I don't think it can get any worse than this.'
I didn't react. He let go of my neck and took few steps back. He still stared at my neck.
'Why aren't you answering any of my questions?'
'I'm doing my best not to kill you at this moment. I can't be distracted by answering questions. I must go. I can't stay with you in one room any longer.'
It was too much. I felt like my brain was going to explode. I had to get out.
He opened his mouth to say something.
'In two seconds the sun will come. They took your ring so you can't go out now. You can't follow me. I will bring you some more blood this afternoon.'
With the last words, he looked at the window and hurried to close the curtains. I got out in a flash.
14 February 2011
I don't know what happened the next days. I didn't go back to the hotel. The risk was too great.
After I had gotten a preach from Rodney about how dangerous this was and how I put myself and the people around me in danger I decided to make one smart move. I reached a small bar in the area and paid my full attention to the shots of tequila I had ordered.
'Surprised?' He asked when he was suddenly sitting before me at one of the wooden tables. I pushed my chair away.
'I could snap your neck in a second without anyone noticing it.' His lip was curled up and his eyes burned into mine.
'No you couldn't.' I snapped back watching his enraged behavior. He seemed surprised.
'Oh, really?' His surprise made room for sarcasm.
'You have no idea how dangerous it is for you to be in this place.'
He started laughing. It was a strange, twisted laugh but it came natural. 'Are you going to tell me what you are or do I have to force it out of you?' His eyes turned a darker shade. I sighed and looked away.
'Why are you here anyway?'
'Why did you save me?'
'Does it matter?'
'Yes, God damns it. I want to know why and why the hell you've been following me these past weeks!'
I could not help myself to let out a smile. Weeks...he thought.
'Yes, I know you have been following me like some desperate cheerleader. Trust me I've had my share of those and it never ended well. I hate stalkers!'
I wanted to apologize but I wasn't sorry for it.
'You're a freak!' He continued clearly pissed off. 'Stay away for me , stop following me. I'm not interested, got it?'
It was strange to sense anxiousness in his voice. If I were a normal human being, he would not even bother to have such a conversation. He did not try to compel me or anything. Maybe he just knew what he was dealing with and wanted nothing to do with it.
'I won't bother you again.' I simply said. As if it were that easy.
'Tell me why you did it!' His eyes narrowed as if he was threatening me.
'You reminded me of someone.'
His laugh was even harder and cheerful. Few people turned around and looked at him.
'All these...you remind me of someone..is getting very old in this town. I'm ...well I might be him...having in mind how long I have been on this earth. But you were so special I obviously forgot.'
'Why so cruel to someone who has saved you?'
'Because I could have managed it myself so it's not really saving.' His eyes got wider at the last words and a smirk appeared and disappeared so quickly I wasn't sure it was there in the first place. 'And because I know you have your own dirty reason and I don't want to be part of it.'
'It wasn't you.'
'It's not you I remember. You're only 150 years old.'
He looked at me hiding his surprise. His eyes narrowed again, I liked that. I didn't like how painful it was, my neck and waist but I knew it was worth it.
'How old may you be?' He was studying me as if I was some experiment.
'A lady never reveals her age.'
'Who said you're a lady?'
'Back off, ungrateful bloodsucker!' I stood up feeling a river of blood ending at my boots. He wanted to say something but was distracted. I don't why of what.
'Watch your back.' Were his last words as he left in a rush.
12 January 2011
I kept my word and stayed away from him. Well…I just followed him from a greater distance. He seemed back to himself: arrogant and vain. I became more comfortable in the audience role. He had no friends I discovered and oh so many enemies. Almost everyone wanted him dead so I guess I was a special case. But he wasn’t trying to be liked. It seemed as if he wanted to be hated just like I just wanted to be dead.
I often went to my shelter: a cabin with no more than a bed, few chests, a closed and a table. My things were spread all over the place: clothes from all kinds of centuries. Rodney’s inventions, newspaper articles about Damon’s past, music tapes, herbs, talismans and potions of all kind, all useless may I add. And a dress, a black dress with long sleeves and silky cloth staring at me on my bed. Tonight there was some high class party and I wanted to look around. I knew Damon was out of town…for a little while and I just wanted to see how much people knew of him.
It all looked great in the house as big as a castle with renaissance decorations, with gold and white interior and with everyone dancing in the ball room. I didn’t need an invitation. I am very good on getting people’s sympathy and I have no trouble entering a house uninvited unlike bloodsuckers.
I walked around watching the faces that caught my attention. I enjoyed a glass of champagne and found a chair where I could sit and watch the dancing couples. Meanwhile I eavesdropped on everyone’s conversations to discover if Damon was on the subject. All I ended up with was some private flirting that made me blush. I sensed no vampires, not yet. Rodney had made me a delicate neck piece just as effective but made of leather. It was tight around my neck. I had few others on my body. These were different from the spiked iron inventions as they gave me electrical shocks if they felt a body change.
‘Well hello there!’I head a voice next to me. I watched the expensive black suit and then my eyes reached his dark hair and dark eyes. ‘I’m Tyler.’ He continued as he reached for my hand.
‘Hi’ He was the one I saw in the parade and what I felt then only became stronger now. ‘How are you doing Tyler?’ He did not feel my ‘presence’ from the way he acted.
We shook hands. He let my hand slowly retreat from his warm hand. He had no idea, I realized. I don’t even think he knew about himself. ‘I’ve never seen you before, new?’ I had no chance to respond ‘There is something about you that…’ He seemed to be sniffing the air and I did my best not to laugh. The poor bastard really did not know even though this was clearly manipulating his thoughts. I wondered what went through his mind at that very moment…actually I knew exactly what he was thinking.
‘Wanna dance?’ He suddenly asked.
‘No, thank you.’
‘Please?’ It didn’t sound as if he asked me nicely.
‘No, thank you Tyler.’ I repeated more firmly.
‘Come on, you won’t be sorry.’ The guy didn’t even know how to control it .
‘She’s dancing with me.’ Tyler got a tap on the shoulder and I was frozen. He looked at Tyler very ugly but I think he was hypnotizing him. Tyler just left and now I faced Damon offering me a hand.
‘No way in hell!’ I almost cried.
He just grabbed my arm and took me to the dance floor. I had a feeling this wasn’t going to be a very romantic dance. Meanwhile I did my best to control myself. It all came too sudden. Getting shocked all over and trying to look normal isn’t a very easy task. He held my hand and grabbed my waist. He let go very quickly.
‘Let’s go on the balcony! Now!’ I said recovering from the last shock and getting prepared for the next one. ‘And keep your distance for crying out loud!’ I added as he followed me on the Romeo and Juliette dream balcony.
As we ended up on the balcony Damon approached me once again closer than needed.
‘Away!’ I shouted with my arms blocking the way. He stopped and I walked a couple of meters further.
‘What’s wrong with you?’ There was a three meter distance between us but it didn’t help much. I kept on getting shocks, some more powerful than others.
‘Me?’ I responded ‘What about you?’ You’re the reason I’m getting electrified every two seconds!’
‘Why are you here?’
‘Because I thought you weren’t. They told me you were not on the invitation list.’ I lied.
‘How did you get in and get this information?’
‘Would you cut the crap! What do you want from me?’ Every two words now stopped with a moment of muscle contractions. How pretty I must have looked.
‘I…what can I do to make you stop doing that?’
‘Go away. You’d have to go away. ‘
‘Well that’s not going to happen.’
‘I know what you are.’ He suddenly said his face dark almost spitting the words out. ‘I needed to know how much of a threat you formed and how to kill you.’
‘And..oh for Christ sake I can’t talk to you like this. Is there any way I can talk to you decent? How did you do it last time?’
‘Spikes in my skin.’
‘Can’t you do that again instead of this freak show?’
‘Why can’t you just leave?’
He now deliberately stood one finger away from my face. He knew the shocks would be worse now. ‘No! I want to talk to you.’
There was enough electricity in my body to light the whole building up. And that’s why…I touched him. He flew few meters away in the air.
‘Can’t you see how much I’m trying not to kill you?’ I shouted as he recovered. His jaw twitched and not from the shock.
‘Then take it off and let’s find out!’ He said as he assumed the position of a bull waiting to be challenged.
‘You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Can’t you call me or something?’With the last words I was on my knees. He backed up quickly.
‘Punching me doesn’t really make this easier.’
‘I want to talk to you.’ He whispered as if he just said he was going to kill me.
‘I’ll either kill or talk to you. Tough decision. ‘ I said as I stood up. My skin was turning into ashes. He didn’t react but he must have smelled the burning skin. Then I remembered. The awful smell reminded me of something Rodney once prepared for me. ‘Meet me in the hall over an hour.’
‘Well…’ He didn’t seem unimpressed.
‘If you want to talk to me at all, then you will do as I beg you to do.’ The word ‘beg’ seemed to work on him. If I had said ‘tell’ or ‘ask’ then I am very sure he would have reacted differently.
I went straight to Rodney.
11 January 2011
I hurried to reach Rodney's 'workshop' situated in a city nearby. I did my best to stay calm and control my heartbeat. I couldn't believe the fact that I was about to face him tonight, after all these years. I had spoken to him before but not in the way we were about to. It would feel almost normal. That is if Rodney still had the stuff. As I speeded up through the forest, my werewolf side dying to come to surface, I thought of the past. The endless times I had entered his house, his room when I knew well he was away. His room. A subtle place with furniture of the past but still in style. Colors of cream: sweet and comforting like vanilla ice in one's mouth; the bed sitting in the middle of the room, big enough for four and soft, gentle like a whisper. I only dared touch the sheets, as I was afraid I would ruin it with my scent or change the way the sheets lay filled with air and elegance. This is where he sat, slept for so many years. I felt privileged to be in the presence of this place, his air. I closed my eyes trying to think of him being there in that moment but at the same time, I did not want him to be there. The times I touched his mirror knowing he stared in it so many times, his clothes wearing his unique scent, the carpet he walked on. How I felt when I put on his shirt and felt insanely complete knowing he had worn or would be wearing it soon. Love? Obsession? Madness? There is such a fine line between them all. How I liked to watch him sleep from a safe distance and how I even touched his face and brushed my fingers over his hair. It made me feel so free as if I was already dead and came to visit him as a ghost. Now I would actually meet him, MEET HIM...without the pain, urges to kill, the blood, the shocks...Now I could just be myself and enjoy every moment I have with him.
'I knew sooner or later you would come with that request.' Rodney said while sitting at the wooden table and working on some invention very strange to my eyes.
'You know you won't enjoy it.'
I didn't care. I watched his face trying to guess what he'll say next.
'All right.' He stood up and I felt relieved.
The potion was worst than an 'I know'. It was awful and it tasted worse than barbequed skin. It tasted like rotten flesh. Werewolf or no werewolf I was never a good scavenger.
An hour later, I was back as I promised. Damon awaited me leaning against a golden wall in the, still very crowded, mansion. He still wore the tuxedo that made his broad shoulders stand out even more. He looked once again breathtaking even though his eyes sharply looked at me accompanied by a smile I could not quite figure out.
'Can you dance now?' His hand reached for an answer.
'Be glad I can stand this close to you.' I didn't reach for his. I could have but I would have only tortured myself more. And this time it wasn't the physical pain I was worried about. I was chains and shocks free but my heart was still highly vulnerable. I wore something different as my last clothes had burned flesh glued to it. I felt that a simple, long silver dress would do just fine.
I left the hall and entered the ballroom once more. I had the luxury of choosing a free table as most people were out there dancing. Damon, who I thought was following me all the way here, appeared from another direction, with two glasses of champagne. I questioned every smile, courtesy and offer he made me. After all I knew how quickly he could make it all fade away.
'So,' he said as he sat and offered me one glass 'I see no blood pouring or meat burning so...cheers to that!' He made a toast in the air and drank half a glass.
'Poison.' I said plainly not touching my drink. 'I have three hours and then I'll be dead for three days.'
'Okaaay...' He made a gesture with his eyes as if I were a lunatic.
´I will wake up after three days but don´t worry, I'll leave before you have the chance of finding me.'
'I'm actually disappointed. Dead for only three days.'
This was the nature I was used to.
'Get on with it Damon.'
'See, this I hate. You knowing my name and I not knowing yours.'
'I thought you said you knew about me?'
'I lied. Now you're going to tell me.' His face looked mad and his cheekbones seemed to break through his skin any minute now.
'Why all this? Why not let it go?'
'I will when you show me what you are!'
'I can't. The poison neutralized everything. You can kill me right now if you want.'
A smile once more but it was gone before I could cherish it.
'Talk to me before I lose my nerves.' And yet he said it very calmly.
'If I tell you, my life will be in danger.' It wasn't completely untrue I had hunters after me and all kinds of groups wanting to get just a few drops of my exquisite blood.
'What about mine?' He said and I wasn't sure what he really meant.
'Yours is different. There are many more of your kind. I...' He watched me carefully.
'Now can you dance?' Tyler once again stood before us. The smell of scotch polluted my nostrils. Damon stood up and I wasn't sure what he was going to do.
'She is not dancing with you is she? So why can't I ask her?' shouted Tyler. Damon stared at him.
'Tyler,' I said 'Look at me.' And he did but Damon still watched him. 'Are you sure you want to dance with me?' He looked at me and seemed to stare for a moment. The obsession I had encountered earlier seemed to be vanishing from his face. He blushed, looked at Damon then at me and finally walked away pushing Damon aside.
Damon sat slowly as if waiting for Tyler to come again. ' What happened there?'
'It's the poison. He doesn't want me that bad anymore.'
Damon smiled and made a gesture with his hand for me to continue.
'He's a werewolf in case you haven't noticed.' Damon's eyes narrowed. 'But he doesn't quite know it. He hasn't shape shifted yet.'
He seemed to think of something and yet something else came out of his mouth. 'And..he's attracted to you because...you're also a werewolf.' He didn't seem too victorious about it.
'Partially.' He watched me puzzled but it also seemed as if he had expected it.
'Half werewolf, half....human?'
He stared at me. 'That would be impossible.' He finally said.
'Yes but I'm the impossible.'
'I told you I can't.'
'Show me after three days!''
I saw the evil plan in his eyes and knew exactly what to expect later on.
´Deal. After three days I will come to you and you can show me what you can.´
He looked at the people dancing. I looked at him with no shame or hesitation. His perfect skin faced me arrogantly. His dark black hair taunted me for not being able to touch it. I wanted to catch a glimpse of his eyes, that strange light blue color that reminded me of an endless heaven. Our moment of silence seemed too short. He turned to face me and asked as politely as he could.
'So...do you want to dance? You still have few hours till death.'
'The poison isn't really a bless. I would like to go to a quiet place and...die.'
'Can I do it for you? My pleasure.'
Again the smile that had a question mark written all over it.
'No thank you. And if you do that I will certainly not show you anything over three days.'
'Yeah...cause you'd be dead...'
I said nothing. He didn't know of course that whatever or whoever would kill me I would never die. Even though I would have given anything for that to be possible.
I left the party after he decided to back off. Normally I would have gone back to Rodney but he left the city. He said he didn't want to see me suffer like that for a ghost. And so my only choice was back to my cabin to 'die in peace'. I lit a few candles as soon as I entered my 'home'. There was no point to use the fireplace as I'd be dead in....I opened a drawer next to my bed and took out a silver pocket watch...two hours left. The poison made me feel dizzy. Maybe I could close my eyes and die already, feel what it's like to actually die. I am ashamed to say that years ago I used to watch people die in their homes and I used to attend funerals of people I knew nothing of, just because the act of dying seemed like such a beautiful event. I imagined myself being one of them: dying, while family and friends cried over my resting body. But it only hurt more. I wished it so much I even started looking for secret scrolls and enchantments over the years that might help me with my desire. I tried few of them: curses, suicide rituals, letting myself killed by haunted souls, beasts and even people that were considered saints. I did it only to wake up an hour, a day or few days later and cursing my existence. And not even now could I close my eyes and sleep into unconsciousness.
He was in my room. Sooner than I had expected.
'You are not planning to stay here after three days, are you? In fact I'd rather have you leave tonight.' His eyes watched me with a great self-control.
'Why did you change your mind?'
'You weren't planning to come after three days and let me show you what I looked like. It was a childish trick Damon thinking I would fall for such a joke.'
He said nothing. I continued.
'You thought I would come here all relaxed knowing that you would do me no harm. In the meanwhile you would follow me. Wait for me to die and you probably wanted to draw a stake through my heart or cut my head off, isn't that how vampires die? Why did you change your mind?'
Once again, no answer. He leaned against one of the cupboards. I noticed he had changed his clothes in a pair of black jeans and a black leather jacket. With the help of the candlelight, his face looked even more angelic.
I took a deep breath and leaned my back against the wall holding the pocket watch in my hand.
'My name is Simona, but most people call me Simone because it's more...familiar. I come form a country that doesn't exist anymore. My mother was a vampire and my father a werewolf. They... loved each other in a way only described in fairytales. It was beyond Romeo and Juliette, Tristan and Isolde...and yet their family's were each other's enemies. My father's family accepted my mother as if she were one of their own. But the vampires, her family, did not agree. They wanted both my parents dead for their treason and they wanted me not to be born. But I was born and my parents kept themselves and me hidden for 10 years. That's how long it took the vampires to find them. I still remember that night. My uncle came together with a dozen werewolves. He usually came alone and without weapons. I knew something bad was about to happen but it was beyond my understanding. They were all so agitated, fearful but my...mother was very calm. She kissed me on my forehead and told me everything would be fine...Her eyes and her smile I can't seem to forget...
I am telling you too much detail...'
I said as I felt I was boring him. He didn't answer.
'My parents died that night and my uncle raised me. He raised me well as he never tried to turn me against my other half. In two years the werewolves gathered an army and killed the vampires, the royal blood that killed my parents. Everyone died. I lived. Alone and afraid.'
I was surprised he had not made any comments yet. He stood there quiet and listening. 'Since then I have lived every life possible. I have seen everything that I believed needed to be seen, I have been everywhere but it seems as if I have been here all this time. Everything changed, 500 years later when I met Gabriel.' Mentioning his name made me smile but inside it torn me apart. 'I lived, I smiled, I danced. I would have died thousands of times for him. And I knew he would have to. But he only had one...' I stopped trying to fight the tears.
'How do you feed?' He asked coldly and I felt ashamed for sharing so much with him.
'As a werewolf I was very aggressive, killed for the kill but as a vampire I could have been very seductive and my victims often enjoyed me feeding on them. The years changed and so did my feeding. I don't crave for blood. Now and then, I miss the warm blood and take it but I never feed much on people nor ever kill them. The werewolf urges I have dealt with hundreds of years ago and now my main food is steak, spareribs, well done...'
'Over a thousand years old. ' I answered instinctively.
'Think of how I feel like.'
10 January 2011
'What do your victims transform into if bitten or turned?'
'Depends on what I am when I bite them.'
There was a short silence between us. He paid no attention to the surroundings or to my changed state. The poison would soon strike.
'Do I look like him?' He asked. 'I mean, are we alike?'
It took me a moment to concentrate on those tears and say it in a cold indifferent manner 'In every single way. But I guess I ignore the little things. You must do it too when it comes to Elena and Katherine.' He watched me surprised but there was no trace of anger.
'Your misery, crimes and loneliness are no strangers to me.' He did not face me anymore. He walked towards the door his eyes hidden in his own shadow. He spoke softly.
'If in three days you are not gone I will rip your heart out myself.'
He left leaving my body bathe in poison.
I had to finish it and someone told me this was the way. A sacred, silver bullet through the head will kill any creature on earth. I was crying, looking out of the window of my pitiful temporary accommodation: a hotel room grey, small and deserted. It had to be stopped: the pain that I constantly felt when I thought of him; the same worries over and over again and just when I thought I might feel better something would happen and I would fall, this time even deeper; the torment that bit my flesh like worms eating me from the inside. It had to stop. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to stop living. It was enough and the nineties made it possible for me to change it all. I kept crying but I stopped as I felt the heavy cold silver against my temple. This was the moment I had been waiting for. I could let it go. I pushed my finger on the trigger and...
I lay on my back. The horrifying pain in my head felt more like a redemption. One last suffering before my freedom, before my well deserved peace. I felt and saw blood under my eyes flowing like a peaceful river. Music from far away reached my soul. A tear of joy connected with the red river as I closed my eyes.
They were chasing me. They said I was a beast. They needed my blood so that they could use it to make their own creature. No, not just a creature. Someone's beloved. He was their leader and wanted my blood to save her. I was betrayed by someone and was now running. I ran as fast as I could even though my back and legs were bleeding. I entered an old building and found my way to its underground. An old man came to my rescue. Stefan came and I hugged him, very happy to see him. I felt close to him. The next moment Damon entered. He was cold and distant but not rude. I hugged him as well. We entered a room where I tried to explain to them what had happened. I told them about the men chasing me and their leader wanting my blood for a greater purpose. As I explained I realized I did not know much myself, who were those men? Why chasing me? What year was this? Where were we? But they listened to me. Even though I had a slight rage attack they kept their calm and listened to me. They were interested. They were going to protect me.
I looked down and saw the impressive distance to the ground. I looked up and could smell the clouds as the fresh wind played with my hair. I spread my arms and was ready to fly. I was ready to let it all go and dream, sleep away in a world much better than this one. I let myself fall and enjoyed the speed, the wind, the freedom...
I woke up with a hell of a headache and dreams still haunting my eyes. Has it been three days already? I wish I could have slept some more. I felt the coldness of the wooden floor under my head and realized I must have fallen from my bed. I stared at the ceiling, wooden grey. I listened to the birds singing outside. It was sunrise and the trees surrounding me awaited in all of their excitement the warmth to touch their leaves. I stared at the room and all I could think of is: what had I done? Why did I talk to him? Curse the heavens and my stupid head for getting involved in something I could not handle. I thought of that evening and realized I had to get out of here as soon as possible. I didn't want to confront Damon just now.
I got rid of the evening dress I was still wearing and fished out a pair of jeans, a black t-shirt and some sneakers out of one of the cupboards. I took a look at myself in a broken mirror before the bed. My face was white and dried out with black spots under my eyes...starved...
I made a stop at a local restaurant and the waitress kept staring at me. Maybe she wondered how many spareribs I would still be able to gulp down. This was my third large portion and I knew I was not even halfway. Then again she should have been glad it wasn't her own neck I was chewing on. I had to compel her when she started to look terrified and from that moment on she kept saying 'More ribs, hun?'
After few more portions and a giant cup of black coffee, I started rethinking about the dreams I have had in the last three days. Few of them were reminders of my suicide 'attempts' and I remembered the horror that then went through me when I realized I was still alive. But then there was this other dream...a stranger dream that didn't make much sense to me. And now I remembered the feeling that Stefan gave me. Like a friend I could trust. Perhaps Stefan...
I revisited my cottage and dressed up for a vampire meeting occasion. I knew the location of their charming house and before noon I was standing before one of its owners.
He was startled when he saw me before his house. He seemed to be going somewhere but now he just stopped and stared at me. I was wearing my iron gear and a long necked leather jacket to cover it. Strangely enough I was not bleeding. The urge to kill him was almost absent.
'I have seen you before.' He said fascinated.
I didn't know how to reply to that. When did he see me, I wondered.
'I know you don't tolerate your brother much but might you know where I can find him?'
'I haven't seen him since a couple of days.' He frowned.
'You have no idea where he can be?'
His eyes watched me doubtfully 'He left...after my conversation with him. I warned him...about you.'
'He told you what I am?'
'I already knew.' Now I was frowning. But he continued. 'Simona Corbin. I have once met a man who told me about your legend. He had a portrait of you in one of his galleries. All these years I remembered your legend well but I never thought of it as true. I just liked the story, the love between a vampire and a werewolf.'
'It moved me.' He said as he looked at me. I realized he meant every word.
'Is your love just like that with Elena?'
He smiled. A familiar smile I had seen in my dream.
'Can you help me find Damon?'
'Why would you waste your time on him?'
'I have nothing better to do.' He smiled once again and so did I.
'I really don't know where he could be. When he's upset he's either drinking alcohol or warm blood...or both.'
'My discussions with Damon hardly end up well.'
'I see.' I hesitated for a moment wanting to ask more about the conversation but I didn't find it appropriate, not at this time. 'Thank you Stefan.'
'A little advice.' He said as I was on my way. Don't be fooled by his mask. I believe that somewhere in his heart he is still...' He smiled at me and I understood. He meant to say 'he is still Damon.'
I left Stefan with a strange friendly goodbye and decided to search every little place, every bar I thought Damon could stop by.
09 January 2011
I searched all the pubs, casino’s, strip clubs, you name it. There was no sign of a dark haired vampire in any of them. When my hope had reached its end I decided to make my stay in the last pub I searched, a little longer. I ordered some whiskey, sat on a broken wooden stool, stared at my glass and wondered. Maybe he didn’t want to be found. I was his stalker after all. I wasn’t sure how I had obtained that role. Why had I become so obsessed with him and why could I not think clearly any more? I took out the pocket watch I kept close since my…rebirth and held it in my hands. It was made of gold and its carvings shined in the setting sun penetrating one of the pub’s dirty windows. I don’t think he even remembered it. I found it in a box in the old house, ‘Damon’ was carved on the back of it. Somehow it made me think of that one time I knew no one was home. I entered their house and touched everything I might have thought he did, touched the walls and his room…I entered it my heart beating fast and wanted to touch everything but I didn’t touch nothing at all. All I saw was a wooden box under the bed. I was curious to see what was in it. I found a gun, some bullets, a knife that I also took and this pocket watch. I wondered if I’d get caught when I left the house but then again, getting caught was all I ever wanted. Sadness overtook me and shame of my own desperate and broken heart.
‘What’re ya doing in these kind of places gorgeous.’
And my day could not get any better. A young man in his thirties looked at me with a smirk on his face. The others, five in total joined him. Two stood behind me and the rest kept a close eye on me. When you have vampires, you get vampire hunters. They started around 600 years ago when I had the pleasure of meeting them and the last time I saw them was about 100 years ago. They found me, beat the shit out of me, decapitated me after hours of torture to tell them where my ‘nest’ was and then they burned me. Little did they know that if I wanted it otherwise I would have protested. Sometimes I just wanted and needed that, someone to torture me more than I can torture myself (although that almost never happened). I was the best person in torturing myself, psychologically but oh so very physically. And best part was I never begged myself to stop. Now these vampire hunters had developed from all those years from wooden stakes to wooden bullets but I must say their methods always ended up to be a disappointment. But if they ever, ever tried to get to him..my revenge…the feeling boiled inside of me at that moment showing me that I could never ever forget myself if something would happen to him, never!
‘We know what you are. ‘ The pretty hunter whispered in my face as if it was a big mystery. He was pretty all right, pretty and stupid.
I didn’t move when I felt the knife, probably silver, entering my kidney. Vampire hunters developed but so did I. But didn’t fight them. I didn’t want too. This was exactly what I needed. I needed to be stabbed twice more before they dragged me out of the pub, drew a bullet, probably wooden through my head, threw me in a cage filled with rocks and dumped me in a nearby river. I woke up later on, the bullet came out but I was in the water so I finally drowned and that was good too. Not that drowning is a peaceful way to die. I tried it few times and it’s torture but I liked the part after that…the dyeing. I loved to die and hated coming alive. But for now it felt like sleeping without dreaming, being without existing.
The next thing I know is tasting the floor, coughing blood and water but the most annoying part was the guy screaming in my ear.
‘Stop feeling sorry for yourself! Is this how you want to spend eternity?’
I kept coughing not even bothering to try to answer. I felt like my lungs were about to fall in my lap.
‘This is crazy Simone, you must realize that. It has to stop one way or the other’
My chest hurt badly and I tried to regulate my breathing. The coughing was getting less but I still watched water come out of my mouth. When I felt there was a voice I used it.
‘Why did you save me Rodney? I didn’t ask for your help.’
‘You should be glad I…’
‘Why? Why should I?’ I was now able to face him and he didn’t look very friendly. His clothes were wet, his eyes were red and his hands were turned in fists. ‘I have absolutely nothing I can live for and I can’t even die!’
‘You love being pathetic don’t you?’ I hated the way he looked at me but I hated the fact that I cared even more.
‘You are impossible!’
There was silence for a moment during which I made sure no more water was in my lungs.
‘All right’ he sighed. ‘I didn’t want to tell you this but I believe it’s the only thing left in this world that might delay your death wish.’
He looked at me once more. ‘All right. Here it goes. Werewolves are in town.’
‘I know. That Tyler boy was one. But he isn’t even aware of it and he didn’t have any transformations, he might never have.’
‘I’m not talking about him. There is a real werewolf in town.’
‘I don’t know but I don’t think he’s pure.’
‘What is he doing in town?’
‘I’m not sure but you might want to keep an eye on him in case he finds out about…’
I sighed. There was nothing in the world I wanted to do more than be hidden and forgotten in some dark hole but then…Damon.’
‘I hate this.’ He said.
‘I know you do.’
‘I hate seeing what he does to you but I am becoming very desperate. I am basically willing to give you a false hope to live for but it’s only a matter of time until this too will fade.’
‘And then reality will hit us both.’
I found the town in a mess. I wasn't sure what had happened until I read the local newspapers. Some strange incidents had taken place the night before and the mayor, who turned out to be Taylor's father, had deceased. They were going to have a wake today at the mayor's house and everyone...all the important people...were going to be there.
I left the cottage. I didn't even want to see his face because I knew I would want to punch it.
I went back to my cottage and searched for something decent to wear. I threw my wet clothes in a corner of the room, next to the bed as dust flew in all directions. I lifted the mattress off the rotten wooden planks. The key was in one of the holes in the planks, not a great hideout but why bother for something more? I unlocked one of the wooden chests and lifted the iron-decorated lid. I searched through the pile of clothes and found a velvet dark blue dress and a pair of black high heeled shoes. I turned to the wooden desk under the mirror and searched its drawers for an obsidian and some silver coins. I picked up a black purse and a shawl to cover my chained neck. This was the advantage of a place like this I had everything I needed and I had many places like this spread all over the world. This was my favorite place although I often thought of burning it down...I was putting the obsidian in my bag and was searching for some more helpful talismans in the drawer until I caught a glimpse of a ghost in the mirror. I stopped and looked at it. Who was that pale looking person looking as if she had no reason to live for?
'You let it go Simone, it's the best thing you can do.' A man was sitting in my room and I realized I had been staring at the mirror for far too long.'I brought you back and gave you a reason to keep on going but I also hoped I could talk some sense into you. Simone? Are you listening to me?'
'I AM LISTENING!' I felt my blood boil. 'What do you want to say? What do you want from me?''Let...it...go.'
'I can't let it go Rodney, if I did then the best thing was to leave me in the water.'
I left the cottage. I didn't even want to see his face because I knew I would want to punch it.
Taylor Lockwood was overwhelmed with upper class citizens shacking his hand and continuously tapping him on his shoulder. I wondered if he felt like one of them or if he would have rather scratched himself and bitten the fleas out of his coat. Mrs. Lockwood, a woman who seemd to have a past less honorable than she looked now, welcomed everyone at the majestic entrance followed by a waiter who attended to everyone's drinking needs.'I'm sorry I don't think we've met.' Mrs. Lockwood said as soon as our eyes met. I smiled politely my feet one toe away from the threshold.
'I don't remember having you on our guest list.''I know, I'm here...'
'It's all right mom.' Interrupted Tayler. 'She's a friend of mine.' He watched me with those obsessed eyes and I knew it was his animal instinct once again that was taking control.The woman gave me a forced smile and so did I. I entered the house blinded by its richness. The Lockwoods must have worked very hard to get this far...
'I didn't expect you to come.' He said with crazy dilated pupils. We walked through the crowd from the hall to the living/guest room or whatever it was. 'I am sorry for your loss.' I said the moment I spotted the picture of Mr. Lockwood. 'What happened to him?''Taylor!' I heard his mother call. He seemed bothered by that and left after a moment of hesitation.
I took the chance to look around the house and search for any clues. Taylor's presence was definitely something but I was more interested in this uncle of his. I let my nose guide me to the upper floors and I stopped before a particular room. It reeked with something I did not expect. I felt my hands form a fist and was astounded by it. It felt strange, could it have been...? I've only met it once or twice in my life time, obviously very rare.'Hello?' I heard a voice say and got out before I went any further.